This is a happy day at the Center for gypsy kids we have here. It's with the Florida team from summer time. However, what you will read about here is another type of day.
Read on to find out what went on in my (Jamie's) head yesterday when coming home from the Emmanuel Center.
THIS IS NOT WORKING!! Why in the world did we give up our lives for these kids? It was for nothing!! They don't care! They don't respond! They don't respect us one bit! They mock us! Why are we here? I'm so ready to close this down! I am going to those boys' fathers and going to have a word with them about how their boys behaved and what little respect they have showed us! What a waste! We are some of the few people that treat them like human beings, we come and give them food, they get clothes sometimes here, when we see them on the street, we shake their hands and treat them with dignity, we visit their homes. Why in the world did we give up our lives for them?
Then, Jesus whispered in my heart, "You didn't do it for them, you did it for Me."
Yes, that's true. And it did help calm me down. Although, the frustration continued. What a terrible day - actually, the worst yet - there at the center for gypsy kids. I was actually getting somewhere with the younger boy who is 6. He was writing his name, but it was totally backwards, so I was showing him how to write it forwards, and he was really improving. Then, I was teaching an 8 year old girl how to write her 6s the right way and she was also improving. Then, the older teenage boys went out of control. They were so incredibly rude and disrespectful, when I went home, I was ready to call it quits. The Albanian woman who helps us wasn't able to make it that day, so it was just me and Jess (the Aussie lady who's on my team). It was a joke. They were stealing keys and trying to break into other rooms. They were climbing out the window (we're on the 2nd floor), making fun of our accents, physically pushing me out of a room where they weren't supposed to be, knocking over chairs, being extremely loud yelling and knocking things over (which we're in an apartment building and other people can hear us easily). I was demanding that they leave, but they wouldn't. I felt powerless. Finally, we had to call our pastor to come over to help us. Then, when they heard he was coming, they left, making an enormous ruckus as they went. That was a bad enough nightmare and it took a while for me to calm down. Then, after the meeting, I asked a couple of the older girls who are 13 and 14 to come with me to show them something. I wanted to show them a painting I did and ask them to paint with me sometime (the 14 year old is always painting and coloring at the center and I know she loves to). The 14 year old's mother and sister are prostitutes and she hasn't come for months. Suddenly, she's coming again and I want to really form a relationship with her. I really don't want her going down that path. Well, after I showed them, we were trying to make plans for when to paint together, then a couple other kids from the center saw us and asked what we were doing. When they found out, they were all jealous and mad and called me stupid and yelling at me and wouldn't listen to a word I said. I was mad, then too. I had already been telling one of them that I would go to her house and do something special with her and she was happy about it. I asked them why I couldn't do something special with them and these 2 girls, but they wouldn't hear it. I was fuming by the time I got home. I was just thinking, Why in the world do we do this? These kids don't care one bit. All they want to do is take and misbehave.
I hate to say that that's the end of this blog post. There is no resolution... yet. The truth is, sometimes I have no idea what to do. I feel completely inadequate, like my language isn't good enough yet, just powerless. I have sought God about what to do with these kids, but when I feel I have a clear direction, it seems to shut down or the doors close. I don't know. I feel confused sometimes. If you remember, please, please, pray with us for this ministry. It is the most difficult by far. I know that God loves these kids by Jesus' example. Looking at His life here on earth, He loved the most rejected, the most looked down upon. It's one of the things I REALLY love about Him! This ministry also defies society's thinking in that way. Anyways, it's not like I expected this to be a piece of cake, but it reminds me of labor. I knew going into it, it would be extremely painful... and it was! But, knowing it would be so painful didn't make it any less painful if you know what I mean. Knowing this would be so difficult, doesn't make it any easier. That's all. I love you all and thank you for reading. It feels good getting my true feelings out there sometimes. -Jamie
THIS IS NOT WORKING!! Why in the world did we give up our lives for these kids? It was for nothing!! They don't care! They don't respond! They don't respect us one bit! They mock us! Why are we here? I'm so ready to close this down! I am going to those boys' fathers and going to have a word with them about how their boys behaved and what little respect they have showed us! What a waste! We are some of the few people that treat them like human beings, we come and give them food, they get clothes sometimes here, when we see them on the street, we shake their hands and treat them with dignity, we visit their homes. Why in the world did we give up our lives for them?
Then, Jesus whispered in my heart, "You didn't do it for them, you did it for Me."
Yes, that's true. And it did help calm me down. Although, the frustration continued. What a terrible day - actually, the worst yet - there at the center for gypsy kids. I was actually getting somewhere with the younger boy who is 6. He was writing his name, but it was totally backwards, so I was showing him how to write it forwards, and he was really improving. Then, I was teaching an 8 year old girl how to write her 6s the right way and she was also improving. Then, the older teenage boys went out of control. They were so incredibly rude and disrespectful, when I went home, I was ready to call it quits. The Albanian woman who helps us wasn't able to make it that day, so it was just me and Jess (the Aussie lady who's on my team). It was a joke. They were stealing keys and trying to break into other rooms. They were climbing out the window (we're on the 2nd floor), making fun of our accents, physically pushing me out of a room where they weren't supposed to be, knocking over chairs, being extremely loud yelling and knocking things over (which we're in an apartment building and other people can hear us easily). I was demanding that they leave, but they wouldn't. I felt powerless. Finally, we had to call our pastor to come over to help us. Then, when they heard he was coming, they left, making an enormous ruckus as they went. That was a bad enough nightmare and it took a while for me to calm down. Then, after the meeting, I asked a couple of the older girls who are 13 and 14 to come with me to show them something. I wanted to show them a painting I did and ask them to paint with me sometime (the 14 year old is always painting and coloring at the center and I know she loves to). The 14 year old's mother and sister are prostitutes and she hasn't come for months. Suddenly, she's coming again and I want to really form a relationship with her. I really don't want her going down that path. Well, after I showed them, we were trying to make plans for when to paint together, then a couple other kids from the center saw us and asked what we were doing. When they found out, they were all jealous and mad and called me stupid and yelling at me and wouldn't listen to a word I said. I was mad, then too. I had already been telling one of them that I would go to her house and do something special with her and she was happy about it. I asked them why I couldn't do something special with them and these 2 girls, but they wouldn't hear it. I was fuming by the time I got home. I was just thinking, Why in the world do we do this? These kids don't care one bit. All they want to do is take and misbehave.
I hate to say that that's the end of this blog post. There is no resolution... yet. The truth is, sometimes I have no idea what to do. I feel completely inadequate, like my language isn't good enough yet, just powerless. I have sought God about what to do with these kids, but when I feel I have a clear direction, it seems to shut down or the doors close. I don't know. I feel confused sometimes. If you remember, please, please, pray with us for this ministry. It is the most difficult by far. I know that God loves these kids by Jesus' example. Looking at His life here on earth, He loved the most rejected, the most looked down upon. It's one of the things I REALLY love about Him! This ministry also defies society's thinking in that way. Anyways, it's not like I expected this to be a piece of cake, but it reminds me of labor. I knew going into it, it would be extremely painful... and it was! But, knowing it would be so painful didn't make it any less painful if you know what I mean. Knowing this would be so difficult, doesn't make it any easier. That's all. I love you all and thank you for reading. It feels good getting my true feelings out there sometimes. -Jamie
3 comments:
Oh Jamie... I'm going to pray for you right now. I love you.
I'm sorry that today was so awful. Big hugs. Thanks for sharing your real thoughts and struggles.
"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
He who receives you receives me, and he who receives me receives the one who sent me." Matt 10:39-40
Can we send your family anything from the States? What do you need or would you like for yourself, Tim, and the girls? It would be a blessing to send you a little box.
i am weeping with you right now...crying out for you, Tim, and especially these gypsy children. He has given you such a privilege to suffer like this for Him.
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